2004-04-02 - 8:10 p.m. The Poop Story - by David Wechsler Let me begin by thanking Paula for letting me guest blog today. Even though we live in a city traditionally known for its wealth of opportunity, such chances do not come along often. The story I am to tell is not a pretty one. It's a tale of rage and pride. It's a story that rails against injustice and takes undue satisfaction in the petty revenge practiced against the perpetrators. It's a slow-paced, low stakes game of cat and mouse that rages from the mean streets of Park Slope to the rough and tumble port neighborhood of Sunset Park. The fact that story centers on poop does nothing to enhance its savoriness. A bit of background - as the proud father of two dogs, I live in a world of poop. I pick it up, I examine it to determine the relative health of the pooper, and given the less than responsible attitude of the denizens of the local dogpark, I frequently (or at least more frequently than your average non-dogpark visiting person) step in it. Paula tells me you are all familiar with our dogs, Brighton and Mercy. Well, it pains me to say that Brighton recently fell ill. He vomited for a full day and was listless and unresponsive the next, his poop was liquidy. Finally, we decided to do something about it. Paula and I took him to the vet. At the vet they drew Brighton's blood, stuck a thermometer up his butt (he didn't seem to mind much) and gave us some pills. For all this, it was a scant half hour and a hefty $200. Now, there are two major plot points to this. First, the pills she gave us were antibiotics that she did say was rumored to have some kind of seizure side effect that she's never had a problem with (this is the same doctor who treats B. for his epileptic seizures. Second, she took a poop sample from him (again, up the butt with no protestations from the pup) but claimed that it wasn't enough and we'd have to bring in one. So we bring him home and give him the pill. Fast forward to 3:00am that night where B. is floored by a string of 4 seizures in a row. After the fourth he's wandering around, bumping into things, has no strength in his back legs and is totally out of it, but finally he gets to sleep and there's no further incidents. That morning, he's subdued, but seems more tired than sick. So later on that day I call up the doctor and tell her that in fact, that medication is not so good to give to dogs who are prone to seizures and I wouldn't give him any more. (I realize that lightbulb should have gone off when she mentioned seizures in the first place, but I initially figured she knew what she was doing.) She says that the seizures could have been triggered by a number of different things. If he starts having them again I should bring him in to be hospitalized and I should bring in that poop sample. Anyway, I get home and there's no problems. He's doing OK and for the first time in a couple days he has his tail up. The next morning he seems to be feeling OK and I take him to the dogpark, I nimbly avoid stepping in any poop, but get a good heaping sample from Brighton tied up in a plastic bag. I go to drop off the poop at the Vet's on the way to work (you never quite feel right carrying a bag of poop on the subway, even if you triple bag it) and when I go to drop it off they ask me for $18 to run the test on it. I say I'm pretty certain that I already paid for that and they check and there's a charge for "fecal cytology" or something on the bill I already paid, but they go back and ask the doctor about it and no, that charge was for the poop sample she took which she said was inadequate to do the test on. At this point, I figure that these guys have already tried to kill my dog and now they're trying to gouge me for even more money when the dog seems to have recovered from everything. At this point comes my small, insignificant revenge. I say, "No thanks, I don't want to have the test done.", casually toss the poop sample into the wastebasket next to the reception area and leave. OK, so it would have been more like revenge if I just untied the bag and dumped the sample on the floor but I said right up front that there was really no point to this story. For some reason though, Paula enjoyed it and wanted me to write about it in her blog; an opportunity, I repeat, that I am thankful for. In the past day the story has gotten even less interesting. The doctor has called a few times to ask me if Brighton's doing OK and to bring in the poop sample, but I haven't returned any of the calls as of yet. I suppose I shall in a bit since I need to go there to get more of his anti-seizure medication. Good Day! thoughts? (7 comments so far) previous - next blog archive contact