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2006-06-15 - 10:20 a.m.

That rap signifier "tha"--how is that pronounced? Is it supposed to sound different than a regular schwa'd "the"?

So I was rummaging through some old review copies here at the office (my company also reviews books, in addition to music and film) and came across one called Lifescripts for Managers, a guidebook--literally, word-for-word scripts--for telling your underlings awful things.

Chapters include:

  • Turning Down a Subordinate's Raise Request
  • Adding Responsibility to a Subordinate without More Pay
  • Insisting on Better Hygiene from a Subordinate
  • Sending a Voluntary Termination Hint to a Subordinate (i.e. how to get someone to quit so you don't have to fire them and pay unemployment insurance--seriously!)
  • Turning Down a Request for Time Off
  • Dealing with a Brownnosing Subordinate

    Essentially, this is Corporate Weaselspeak for Dummies.

    An excerpt from "Turning Down a Raise Request":

    Employee: I understand what you're saying. You're asking me to participate in the success or failure of the company, but I'm not an owner or partner.

    Boss: That's where you're wrong. To the extent that this company succeeds financially you will as well.

    Erm, ok. Nice to know that this universal little bromide is all scripted out, whether it's based on truth or not.

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